BREASTFEEDING: the most beautiful and natural thing a mother can do… or so I thought. Breastfeeding turned out to be a painful, frustrating, depressing, and panic attack producing process for me. All my pregnancy I KNEW I wanted to breastfeed. It was a bond I wanted. It was a closeness I wanted to experience. Moms expressed it as a joy they’ve never experienced and I wanted to experience that as well but it wasn’t as easy and natural for me as it seemed to be for everyone else. Every time Kingsley would latch I would feel like I couldn’t breathe, like I was drowning. After doing some research on how I was feeling every time Kingsley would latch I found out I had severe anxiety Dysphoric Milk-Ejection Reflex (“D-MER). If you would like to know about D-MER CLICK HERE. I continued to try but my panic attacks just kept getting worse. When I was staying with my mother-in-law when Kingsley was four months old I had the worst panic attack of my life. After that last panic attack and talking to Keith and my mom (my go to people for everything) I decided it would be best for both Kingsley and I to stop breastfeeding and I was SO right (never doubt yourself when it comes to your baby). Yeah I may not have made it a year but that’s okay! I no longer look at myself as a failure instead I look at how long I made it as a success and NO ONE is going to make me feel bad for stopping. People REALLY need to stop mom-shaming. REMEMBER WHAT IS EASY AND NATURAL FOR YOU MAY NOT BE FOR SOMEONE ELSE.